At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
