it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
