hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize