I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
