i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
