how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
