my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
