That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
