Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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