wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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