it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
