Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
