..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
