I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
