Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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