Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
