WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
