White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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