Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
