Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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