I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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