Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
