just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
