and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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