There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
