her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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