I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
