So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
