This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize