The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
