i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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