Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i love accidental penises.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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