Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
