3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
