apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
