so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
