Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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