just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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