There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
