is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
