Kareoke will never be a sober sport
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
