he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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