dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
