If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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