Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
