You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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