The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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