are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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