Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
