woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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