$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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