East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
