When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
