It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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