Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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