My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize