I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
