Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
