too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
