Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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