I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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