Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize