She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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