Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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