I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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