I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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