it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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