Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
