I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
