this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
