i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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