you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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