I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
