I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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