don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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