Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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