This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
