your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
