I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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