Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
