Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
