respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
