I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
