I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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