I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
