Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
