just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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