I smell stomach acid.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Randomize