my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
