Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
