At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize