Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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