I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
