if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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