3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
