I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i think im in europe. pls send help
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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