my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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