I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
